Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
