Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize