This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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