The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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