so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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