Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
