the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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