you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
