whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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