i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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