cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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