Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
