yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
