I didn't shave. On purpose
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
