I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
