if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize