she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
