i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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