woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
