I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
last night I used snow as a chaser
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
