I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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