Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
