You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
PANTIES FOUND
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