And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
