Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize