If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
soo... how was my night?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
