Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
