I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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