I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize