He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
