I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
