True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
