Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
