I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
