I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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