Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
