I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
did i just pee glitter
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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