Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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