I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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