omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
