dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
