He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
