whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
