these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
