But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
