She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
