This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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