4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
