I wannas sexs uuuuu
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
