apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
