how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
