I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
