I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
