I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
