this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
barbara walters just said penis...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
