new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
