so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
