I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
