Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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