I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
