Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
