I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
