How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
