Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
