Are we in a gay sports bar?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize