Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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