Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
