party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
