You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hippo gnu deer
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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