I wannas sexs uuuuu
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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