You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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