he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize